Friday, April 27, 2007

Hank believes he has discovered a new disorder: AD-DVD-D

Hank: I have always treasured the air of mystery about you, Phyllis, but why do you persist in your refusal to watch DVDs with me? You spend countless hours surfing through cable channels and watching less distinguished fare. Is it fear of commitment? Attention Deficit Disorder? (I still wish you would borrow some Ritalin from one of your students, sweetie, just to try it out.)

Because if it is neither one of those things, I am forced to wonder if it is a trust issue, like that time when I would not let you tie me to the bed because I was afraid you would get up and turn on The L Word.

Phyllis: I've told you before that it all dates back to when I was reviewing movies for AARP and I had to watch too many mediocre videos. It came to be a chore, and I still haven't gotten over it. DVDs also lack the publicness of TV, because even if I am watching What Not To Wear, I at least know that somewhere, someone else is watching too. Lots of people watch What Not to Wear, by the way. And even if all of the "immature" kindergarten teachers, "frumpy" new mothers, or "slutty" middle-aged women all end up looking the same at the end of the show, just hearing how mean Stacy London is to them makes it all worth it. I know you don't know what I am talking about, but someone does.

Hank: So what you want from What Not to Wear is what most people want from God, which is a sense that you are not alone. Fine. But don't you think there are other people somewhere watching Infamous or the third season of Homicide too? I never hear you talking on the phone with these other people who are watching. I can't understand what good they are to you. They are probably recording it on Tivo while they watch DVDs, for as much as you know.

I think you are addicted to overstimulation. You like commercial television because you want the commercials to come and give you an excuse to change the channel for a few minutes. You dislike pre-recorded movies because you know what you will be watching for the next few hours and that bores you. And if I am perfectly honest, I often feel the same way. Maybe Neil Postman was right about people like us.

Phyllis: You are not wrong. I do love watching three shows at once, so fine. And it does fill me with a little bit of dread to know that I have to sit on the bed and watch TV--I'm sorry, a movie--for two whole hours. But there is a solution to this: take me to the movies? I have no problem going to the theater where all the other people I don't talk on the phone with are also watching movies.

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

I like that some old farts still watch tv together and care what people wear. How about Helen Hunt for House? Call her.

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